my new reality…

Learning to live with Fibromyalgia and anxiety. www.mycraftyadventures.comSo a few months back I posted about my life, living with anxiety.  That was a hard post to write, but it was honest and true.  Little did I know, however, that when I wrote that post that I would get the kind of reaction that I got (thank you to ALL of you for your support), nor did I realize that it was really only the tip of the iceberg of what is really going on.

The anxiety has continued, along with some additional fun…

  • Fogginess and forgetfulness.
  • Constant aching like I have the flu, without actually having the flu.
  • Problems sleeping.
  • The joy of IBS.
  • Some additional depression/anxiety.
  • Lack of focus and concentration.
  • Lack of motivation.

All of this has been going on in some form or another, ebbing and flowing in intensity since November.

We have changed my anxiety meds and doses several times, trying to address the focus and fogginess issue, but nothing has helped.

I chalked the aches and pains up to a super cold and bitter winter – colds, being constantly cold, etc…

Then we had a few major “incidents” at home.  We lost Matt’s uncle in March and then Daphne, our cat, a little later.  We have continued to deal with Owen’s anxiety issues which also came to a head a few weeks back.  I had two trips to the west coast on top of it all. All of this additional stress seemed to make something go awry.

The aches and pains got worse.

Migraines started to be here every couple of days.

I was even more sluggish and unfocused, almost scaring myself at times.

I felt completely depleted, exhausted, and always sore.

Then, one day, I woke up to horrible pains in my arms and my ankles.

The next day it was directly in my arm pits and elbows.

I was weak and my migraines would not go away.

I decided to go to the doctor to see what was going on…

My psych changed my meds, again.  Then she ordered blood work and a sleep study.

My GP added onto the blood work and tested for a multitude of things and prescribed me Imitrex for the migraines.

Needless to say, I have been worried…  what is this?

All of my blood work came back clear, which should be great.  Right?  They found nothing.

Nothing, however, means that it is Fibromyalgia.  You know, that made-up syndrome women get…  or at least that is what I have been told for years.

I have watched friends struggle with it, having great days and horrible days, always thinking how hard that must be.  No one understands it completely; there is no solid test or clinical proof of it that definitively proves someone does or does not have it.

And yet, here I am.

Trying to sort through all of this… wondering if it is real or if it is all in my head.  I have read and read about it over the last few days, trying to see what to do, how to react, what it is, and if it is the actual diagnosis or not.

The doctor says it is – all of the tests ruled out everything else.  I still need to do the sleep study, but all that is going to show is my sleeping patterns and help address the tiredness issue.

Now I am left, sitting here, dealing with this new reality.

For three weeks now, I have been fighting days of solid pain; days where it hurts to walk down the hallway at work; days where carrying my purse is painful (and you know I love me a good designer bag…); days where hugs from my boys bring me to tears.

That’s how I know it is real – it is painful.  It is frustrating.  It is aggravating.  It is exhausting.

It is my new reality – my new normal.  And, so far, I hate it.

There – I said it – I hate my new normal.  It sucks.

Ok… now that I have said it out loud, it is time to move on.  It is time to stop the pity party and get my ass back in gear and back on track.

It might hurt and it might be slow, but I can’t sit here and wallow.  I can’t.

So, now that it is out there for the universe, I will move on.  I will grow.  I will take whatever lesson God wants me to get from this, apply it to my life, and I will be better for it in the end.  I will be stronger, better, and bolder.

Today I step back out of my week-long slump of gloom and doom and accept whatever life and God through at me next.  I will pray and meditate and do whatever is needed to get through this.  My family has been beyond amazing and I feel blessed to have the support system that I do.  Now it is time to do right by that support and show them that I will not let this get me down.

My new normal will not break me…  ever.


Comments

my new reality… — 14 Comments

  1. I’ve been going through the same things this winter. Chronic migraines and diagnosed with fibromyalgia…changing meds….trying this and that….so hard having something that hurts this bad that no one can see. I am in physical Therapy right now and he has been trying dry needling which actually seems to be helping with the migraines so don’t give up….I almost did…..God always has a plan so take one day at a time. Hugs and prayers for better health!

  2. Hey friend – have your doctors considered adrenal fatigue? After months & months of “it’s nothing” results, I saw a naturopath last year that suggested that adrenal fatigue was the central issue. May be worth investigating!

  3. My sister-in-law also has fibromyalgia, but she is now doing much better. Some dietary changes have helped her, but I’m not sure what they are. I will ask her. Meanwhile, I’ll be keeping you in prayer!

  4. Steph–my mom was diagnosed years ago with fibro. That was just one of the issues. She did aqua-PT which really helped as did weekly chiropractor appointments and a nutritionalist who recommended an anti-inflammatory diet. It all helped a little bit as did meds.

    There were several underlying auto-immune disorders. We spent some time up at Mayo Clinic. It is an amazing facility. We were able to get more done there in just one week than she had in a year here in Chicago. It may be worth investigating.

  5. I have been struggling with this for years..I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy,I’m so sorry to hear you have all these issues,the fatigue is awful,the migraines, and aches and pain,they do hurt more with change of weather…and when get sick,it makes it all hurt worse.Praying for you,and that you get all the support you need..

  6. Ah geez. I’m so sorry to hear this. I hope you ruled out Lyme disease with your tests. Gotta catch that sucker early & don’t let the docs tell you “it doesn’t happen here”. It happens everywhere, and it isn’t called “the great imitator” for nothing. My mom’s late diagnosis (with Fibromyalgia being one of the early things they thought she had) lead to long term issues. Anti-inflammatory diet may help a ton, regardless. I’m here for you whenever & however I can be…but you knew that already, didn’t you? *blessings*

  7. You will get through it and figure out ways ot deal with it. I have almost every single issue you do – IBS is the worst! Been on all kinds of meds and finally last summer I felt like I was gonna die and went on a detox after CHA and Art Unraveled. I went on a paleo diet and was able to stop all meds. In Feb, I started a new med becuase I wasn’t sticking to paleo as much as I should and now I am just dying because I really fell off the wagon when I went to SNAP Conf last month and now I am in so much pain. The diet really makes a big difference. I don’t know if what you eat is contributing at all but paleo has helped me so much. If you ever want to chat, I know what you are going through. Sometimes just having someone to listen to you can help 🙂 Chin up – things will get better.

  8. It is hard to hear/read what you have been dealing with! I know that you are strong and will get through this and come out on the other side even better than before! Remain positive my friend!

  9. Thinking of you with big hugs!!!!!!! You will persevere…you always do!!!

  10. Steph, you should look into Plexus… I have heard of people having really good results with this simple pink drink. Just do some reaserch! I use it for a other things… But I do know others use it for fibro! Good luck! I’ll be praying for you! (((Hugs)))
    LaCoe:)

  11. Wow!! Tough few months. Fibro is a new learning curve. I wish you lots of patience as you get “used” to your new norm. I’m on year 32 of having RA. It took a whole but am confident in saying” everyday you have a choice… Feel sorry for what’s happened or have a positive attitude to a new day in front of you”. I mean that in the best possible way. Don’t get me wrong… I have my bad days and even bad weeks. But you are still able to get up every day and look at your hubby and two wonderful kiddos! I wish you the best. Don’t forget support groups.. Your local hospital should have one!!

  12. Keep praying and God will get you thru whatever it is! With His help you can do anything!!!

  13. {{{gentle hugs}}}} to you. Did you have them check for Lyme? It gave me migraines and lots of the symptoms you are describing. And all I needed was the ultra strong antibiotics for a few days before the symptoms started to recede. It’s worth looking into – many times tests come back negative for it.

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